Sometimes I pray so stinkin much about being a mother that I feel like Hannah. She was praying so passionately that the priest, Eli, thought she was drunk. That is how I feel at times...but you could probably put me in the angry or belligerent category.
I was looking at blogs the other day and I read a passage from a Bible study that really hit home. (This particular blogger is also dealing with infertility) The study stated "When you bring Me prayer requests, lay out your concerns before Me. Speak to Me candidly; pour out your heart. THEN thank Me for the answers that I have set into motion long before you can discern results. When your requests come to mind again, continue to thank Me for the answers that are on the way. If you keep stating your concerns to Me, you will live in a state of tension. When you thank Me for how I am answering your prayers, your mind-set becomes much more positive. Thankful prayers keep your focus on My Presence and My promises."
Well duh, Heather!
About a month ago, I started to pray a different prayer. Some not so good things were going on and I wanted nothing more than for God to take the desire to be a mother away. I prayed so intently every night hoping the pain would go away. Hoping that the desire would decrease.
I now realize that I have been very selfishly praying. I keep asking and asking and asking, never thanking (at least not for this subject).
I know God has a plan. He has already set it in motion. I have NO CLUE where His path leads and He has not given me a map...YET(not that I could read it...maybe I could use GPS) But I find some comfort in knowing there is a plan. No, it does not take the hurt completely away. But ease it, yes. Are there days when I want to stay in bed and have a pity party...of course. I'm human. But eventually I will see what God had designed for me. One day I will be a mother to someone and I will thank Him for it today. tomorrow and even after it has happened.
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3 comments:
I just happened upon your blog and was immediately flooded with memories of when my husband and I were going through infertility. Like you, we prayed and prayed. One day I asked myself; do I want to be pregnant or do I want to be a mother? The answer was obvious. We immediately began the adoption process. We now are parents to a beautiful, smart, healthy five year old boy. He became our son when he was ten days old and is our pride and joy. Our only regret is that we did not make the decision to adopt sooner. Adoption is not an easy process. It is filled with many ups and downs. But the difference is when the journey ends, you WILL have YOUR child and you WILL be a family. Have faith in God and know that He is guiding you. He will reveal his answer when He is ready. And, if you are interested, the Gladney Center in Fort Worth, TX is a wonderful agency with support chapters throughout the US.
Beautiful post, Heather. I'm so thankful to see where the Lord has brought you and how He is now fulfilling this prayer. You are going to be a MOM!!! Praises to Him!!
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